Sunday, April 29, 2012

You've Put On Weight

So, a few days ago...after we went from a walk, my friends and I started chatting about our goals for next month. One friend said she was working on losing at 10 pounds through April and May but ultimately would like to lose 40 pounds. And, then, she said 40lbs again! I can't believe I need to lose 40lbs again (she had lost that 4 years ago).


In our inner circle of friends, we've talked about our weight - gains or losses and our fitness plans and activities. We also occasionally try different workouts. 3 out of the 4 of us had gained weight after we started our corporate jobs about 30 pounds or so and lost it (each of us working with a personal trainer). 3 of us realize the importance of eating healthy and we try to do so...3 of us had helped co-lead a fitness program at our church. AND, 1 of us....who is about 4 years younger then us...could care less (or at least until this year). She ate whatever, however, whenever. She never worked out. We had warned her to watch it...She never really paid attention...For years, she got away with it. It really caught up to her this year. BUT, my friend bemoaning the 40 lb weight gain was the one of the 3 that worked to stay healthy. 

I think that's why I never said anything (besides - it don't look like that much weight anyway). Maybe that's why no one else said anything either.

Plus, the weight gained happened kinda gradually...It's like you look up and you're like whoa...when did this happen? but you know it couldn't have been overnight...

I felt that way too when I reached 160lbs. Why hadn't anybody said anything? I was really packing it on! 

My family loves me and supports me. They've always made me feel beautiful and attractive. My friends are just as accepting. My boyfriend at the time never made one complaint about the weight. When I asked him later why he never said anything...He said you were never fat to me (we had been dating off and on since I was 16).

If there is anything I've learned from this journey it's that reducing smaller gains is better and easier than reducing larger gains. I think many of us don't say anything until a friend has gained 40 or 50 or more pounds. And, when, we do - it's after our friends bring it up. So, perhaps, we should say something when it looks like our friends or family have gained 10 or 15 pounds? 

The first time I was about 25lbs overweight. No one said anything to me. I had put the weight on in about 5 and 1/2 months. Then, at the highest weight, at my cousins wedding, a older family friend commented to my mother that I had really put on some weight - in clear ear shot of me. I was so hurt. I ended up leaving the wedding early and crying in my car before I went home. But, the next day, I went to the gym and put a fitness magazine.

I don't know what the answer is. Since, I have gotten healthier...I tend to invite friends and family to various workouts and health eating classes every so often. But, don't specifically comment on weight gain or an overall unhealthy weight or a lack of exercise. If someone asks me my opinion or for help, I am more than willing to share...But, perhaps, now, I should begin to think about being more conscious about when and how I could help someone get back to a healthy, happy weight and be more active - sooner rather than later.


Papi's Girl said...

That's a tough one to navigate. I would be so scared to hurt someones feelings. I also don't want people to think that I think I am perfect. The already tend to hide from me because they think I will judge their choice of food.

No one ever told me anything about my weight either when I was 245lbs. When they see my before pics they say "oh I never thought you were that big". REALLY!?!?! How can you hide 245lbs...LOL!

MS. Bad Mama Jama said...

It is a tough one! What do we say or not say? I don't want to hurt anyone either...