Perhaps, it's because I haven't gotten enough sleep the last few days. Perhaps its because my shoulder was in constant pain. Perhaps it's because I'm frustrated with some issues at home. Perhaps its because today was a bit of a stressful day at work.
But, it's not any of these things.
It was stepping on the #$^%^%^%# scale and seeing 144.6.
I don't feel like I'm making enough progress.
Exhibit A - My Lack of Progress
And to Add Insult to Injury...
The Target Weight App Doesn't Believe I'll Ever Make My Goal
And yes, I know that my clothes may be fitting a bit better, I know I may have better stamina, I know I have gained some muscle tone. But, I don't find those Non-Scale Victories very comforting (today).
My co-worker and friend stopped by my desk at work today to say hi. I was eating an orange and drinking water. And had some healthy snacks in the corner..."Starting the New Year Off Right," He said. And, well...he was just be friendly...we've known each other for 7 years...so he knows very well the transformation I've made. But, honestly, I felt like a failure....shouldn't starting the new year off right be at a healthy, happy weight? wouldn't it be continuing to maintain a healthy, happy weight?
And my closest friends and family don't really seem to get that why I want to lose these last 5 to 7 pounds. You've done a good job keeping the weight off. You hold the extra weight well. Why are you working out so much? So you can't xxxx b/c your working out? Sometimes I feel like they don't quite get it...Its like they think you stay active - you're not heavy like you were before..what's the big deal?
And, I am not sure what else to do...My eating is good to really good...My exercise is good to great. I bumped up my exercise levels and intensity starting in late October. Perhaps, I'll see better results when my shoulder is fully healed and I can really go out at. I hate calorie cycling (but my old dietitian instructed me to do it when I seemed to stall and it worked). Should I do that? My church is entering a 21 day fast in a few more days...We'll be gluten free, diary free...Maybe that'll be what's needed to help make some significant progress.
Maybe that's what is really bothering me...I don't know quite what to do. I don't know how much longer it will really take. I don't know what else I can muster.
But, this much I do know. I will go to bed, I will say a few prayers, I will wake up - eat a healthy breakfast, and work out hard.