Letter To the Office Diet Saboteur

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Dear (co-worker/supervisor/boss, assistant),

I am sure you've noticed that I have (struggled with weight my whole life/just
had a baby/am retaining water for many people/drink too many beers). Recently I
have begun to (crash diet/count calories/reduce carbs/adopt a healthy lifestyle) in
attempt to (lose a few pounds/fit into my old prom dress/become smoking hot/lower
my risk of a massive heart attack).I have noticed that you enjoy (baking/bringing in band candy/celebrating eventhose most minuscule holidays). I would appreciate if you would stop putting treats on (my desk/next to my cubicle/on my computer monitor/in my face).

You certainly have every right to bring these items to work but please put them in the break room. This way I can avoid the temptation and you can continue to enjoy bringing in treats. In addition, after I decline your food items please desist from announcing loudly to the (entire office/free world) that (one piece won't hurt/I am on another crazy diet/you knew I couldn't resist). Your actions when I decline your food indicate that you (are jealous of my success/want me to continue to ignore my health/are a jackbag).

I enjoy our working relationship and hope that it continues productively, however
if you persist in sabotaging my efforts I will get a safety pin and poke the voodoo doll of you I keep in my (purse/briefcase) in it's (butt/eye/big toe). This shouldn't surprise you as you always knew I couldn't resist.

Warmly,
The Dieter